It’s normal for relationships to face challenges, and these challenges can either bring couples closer together or create difficulties.
No matter how long a couple has been together, sometimes an obstacle or challenge can be difficult to overcome, causing relationship problems.
In this blog, our experienced Clinical Psychologist, Ozan Akbas, talks through why many people seek couples therapy, how it works, and how it can help.
Why do couples begin therapy together?
The most common reasons people start marriage counselling or couples therapy include:
- Communication issues
- Sexual relationship difficulties
- Long conflict situations
- Emotionally intense arguments
- Anger issues
- Infidelity
- Jealousy
- Family issues
- Parenting differences
If these concerns are not addressed, over the course of the relationship, they may escalate and/or lead to further issues, such as stress and depression.
At the root of each of these issues is usually communication. Having a safe space to communicate with each other properly is the key to restoring peace in a relationship.
How does relationship counselling work?
The first thing to explore during each session is the pressure points between the two of you.
There are certain constraints on every relationship, but the most important thing to understand is not to change each other’s differences, but to help and celebrate each other, learning how to make differences work for each partner.
After agreeing on the goals that can be achieved with psychotherapy, the work starts. The therapist introduces certain tools and exercises to help the couple achieve their agreed goals. It is important to understand that the therapist becomes the therapist for the relationship, not the individuals.
During therapy, you will learn to communicate better, resolve conflicts in a constructive way, understand and gain insights about each other and yourselves, and most importantly learn how to co-regulate together.
How long does the process of relationship counselling take?
The process of relationship counselling is tailored to each couple and would usually depend on the goals and the issues that couple bring.
Different relationship counselling processes take different amounts of time. If seeking couples therapy for a brief solution focused approach, three to four sessions might be enough. With other therapeutic approaches such as Gottman [1], the average is six to 12 sessions. Usually, couples will benefit from the process in the first 12 to 20 sessions. Couples’ commitment and emotional investment always helps the process.
When should I seek support from a therapist in my relationship?
If you feel stuck, not heard, and want to continue the relationship but just do not know how to, this is the time to seek couples counselling.
Couples or individuals often feel like they are constantly going over the same problems, and they might feel like they are not respected or valued. This or different problems, might make them feel distant towards their spouses. Children and parenting styles might be different, causing conflicts.
If you are considering separation or divorce, it might be beneficial to work on how to deal with this situation as best you can.
How to ask a partner to go to couples therapy
Attending marriage counselling or couples therapy is a very delicate topic and might be a very hard conversation to have. However, there are some ways to broach the topic carefully.
First of all, a neutral venue is often a good place to start, because if there are already ongoing conflicts in the house, the house itself might be emotionally triggering, therefore having this conversation somewhere neutral would be a great start. A quiet coffee place or a bench somewhere peaceful such as a park or waterfront can be helpful.
Talking about your perspective and your needs can be helpful while addressing your need for this. Addressing the possible benefits and how it could help the relationship might encourage them to make their decision. However, as in relationships, this is not about one person: addressing your partner’s needs is just as important. If they have any other suggestions, be sure to listen and find a common ground.
Can couples therapy lead to individual therapy or family therapy?
Of course, sometimes in the therapy sessions we see that the problems might be more of a personal nature. Therefore, one person might start individual therapy to progress with the sessions, or sometimes both of the partners might be required to go through this process individually.
Family therapies are sometimes choices as the problem might lie in the wider family system rather than just the couple.
For further information on relationship counselling call today on: (+971) 4 385 4493 (Dubai) / (+971) 2 651 8111 (Abu Dhabi) or submit an enquiry form in confidence. We will provide you with details on all our treatments and offer help on how to manage your concerns at a time that suits you.